God above, I don’t know where to start so I will start with your word. Psalm 146: 3-5 says, “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save… Blessed is he whose hope is in the Lord his God.”
You already know the depths of my brokenness, but regardless I will confess it to you. I have put my trust in princes and mortal men who cannot save. Before seeking comfort from you, I confess that I have sought comfort from friends. I confess that before finding joy in my relationship with you, I have looked for joy in relationship with others. Before acknowledging my worth in you, I’ve found my worth in worldly things. Before being made whole in your perfect love, I’ve chosen to be content in the conditional love of man. In all of this, Lord, I have not sought comfort in you, I have not found joy in you, I have not found my worth in you, and I have missed the unconditional love that you promise. I have put idols before you in where I have found comfort, joy, worth, and love. And for all of this I come before you humbled and made aware of my brokenness. God, I am truly and deeply sorry for my sin. I am sorry for the people and things that I have put in your place. No one or thing is capable of the comfort you provide, the joy you bring, the worth you give, or the love that you promise. In my ignorant, sinful brokenness I have put others before you and I am deeply sorry. These words I write to you in apology are meaningless and I know that, but you know my heart. Where the words of my mouth are silent, let the words of my heart speak up. Hear my heart and know it, O God.
I don’t deserve to ask for your forgiveness and so I am hesitant to do so. But even as I pray this, you remind me that you have already sent your son and I have already been forgiven. I have already been forgiven in Christ, but even still I know that seeking forgiveness requires humility. So in humble submission to you, I seek your merciful and abounding love and ask you to remember your son’s sacrifice and forgive me completely of my debts.
Even now, after I have realized my brokenness and sought your forgiveness, I know I will still struggle with these things that I so desperately am trying to prune. I will be tempted to find comfort from friends, I will forget to seek joy from you, I will stumble in where I find my worth, and I will lose sight of the love you have for me. This battle I fight is not an earthly battle and so I can’t fight with earthly weapons. In this war that wages in my heart, I need you, God. Fight this battle with me and fight it for me. Satisfy my heart and saturate my thoughts.
Even when I am not good- you are so, so good. So be it (Amen).